Back to School!

Well, Ramadan is over, and it was great while it lasted but man fasting can be exhausting!  Kind of a relief when you're back to eating all the time.  Mehmed only lasted about a week before he lost interest.  That's ok.... better than last year, when his interest only lasted a day!  At this rate, he should be participating fully by the time he hits puberty....
He was happy to go back to school since he was getting bored....  I have to admit that while our summer was going great before Ramadan, I slowed right down to 1st gear during the fasting so he didn't have as much fun after that.
He's doing well at school, I started him back on the Concerta, which I don't like because it totally cuts his appetite, but on the other hand, it definitely works for him.   I had a meeting with the teacher and support staff and they were very positive about his behavior.   So the Concerta is working for him, and my workaround for the appetite problem is that I give him high calorie milkshakes for his lunch and snack.  He eats less during the day but the milkshakes help to make sure he doesn't lose the weight.
He has had a few problems with girls at school.  I worry because he really seems to hate them, but I think I had some interesting insight into that psychology...  I make him talk about why he hates them and he said, "they make me feel stupid, usually I get in trouble when they're around, and I'm not one of them".   I thought I'd try to dig for physical feelings, so I asked him if anything happens to his body when they're around... like, does he go blind, or deaf, or can't breathe?  (no way I was going to "lead" him on that question)....   and he says to me, "Well, there is something that I told you last year but I think you forgot" (I didn't forget but like I said, I wasn't going to lead him)... he says, real quietly, "my dinky likes them when he's being stupid"!!! LOL.
I probably shouldn't be writing that in a blog but then again, it's one of those things you don't want to forget.   So, he hates girls, but "you know who" is starting to like them and the end result... he's made that "you know who" likes them and he takes it out on the girls!   Have I unravelled the 5000 year old mystery of why boys hit girls that they like?   LOL.

Ramadan Mubarak!

It's that time of year again! I can't believe a whole year has passed... and this Ramadan is definately going much better for me than last year. Last year I'm 99% sure I had West Nile which I happened to come down with on the first day. It took me a week to get over the worst of the headaches and still another week after that to feel more like myself again. So this year, Al Hamdu Lillah (all praise is due to God Alone), Ramadan is GREAT. Sure I'm tired when I get up at 4 am to eat but I know it's worth it and I get plenty of time to rest during the day. The best part (for me) is that Mehmed is doing half-day fasts with us, which means that he's getting up at 4am too, and usually waiting up to pray with us (unless he's falling over exhausted). I love that. He's so sweet and he is really earnest in his efforts! Don't worry, there's no pressure on him to maintain his fast, if he wants to break it earlier than the noon prayer, he's welcome too, but so far he's only asked to do that once, MashAllah.
But I don't take him to the Taraweeh prayers at the mosque since we don't get home till almost midnight and that means waking him up for the 4am meal would just be torture.
To anyone who is celebrating, may Allah accept your intentions, forgive your sins and grant you all your du'a (supplication prayers). Ameen.

Thanks for the reminder Sherry!

LOL, yes, I did forget I had a blog again... I guess it's just not as interesting when you're not off travelling the world.
Not much to update... Mehmed started on a slow-release form of Ritalin in February. The complaints from the school have virtually died off which is WONDERFUL, and they even allow him to line up and go to the washroom at the same time as the other students, which sounds weird, but his reactions to the hustle and bustle were quite extreme - lots of screaming or acting out if he felt too jostled. So, he's definately made progress, thank God.

But I have done some web-reading on the drug and found that it can be very dangerous for the heart (particularly when used long term). When he first started he lost about 2 lbs in 1 month, but I've been giving him Slimfast and other protein based milkshakes, especially in his school lunches because that is the time of day he virtually refuses to eat (when he's medicated). They seem to be working because he has grown 1 inch and gained 5 lbs since February (I guess that means he's gained 7 since he lost the other 2). The other problem I find is that he is now far MORE hyper than he ever used to be, particularly in the evenings when it starts to wear off and on the many days (weekends and what not) that I don't give him any. I'm looking forward to the 2 month summer break so that I can see exactly how long it takes his body to return to the way he was before (hopefully minus the tantrums, aggression and a with just enough maturation that he has a little more self-control).
8 more days of school until summer officially begins and my freedom officially ends!
Oh well, at least I will still have my Wednesday group! (Gather with a bunch of women at the mosque or in our homes for reading & religious discussion. And we can't gather without lots of goodies and tea ;) - it's definately my favorite day of the week).
Well I guess that's all I've got to blog about for maybe another 6 months? JK - maybe we'll have some fun things to blog about this summer....
P.S. Thanks again for the nudge Sherry ;) - but having only 1 child I guess I just have far less going on so it's so much easier to forget. Your blog is waaaayyy more interesting.... That and having Grandma right downstairs means 1 less person wanting to read the updates.

Backyard Skating Rink

So, what can I say? It's winter and not much is happening....

But, we did do something for fun - we built a little backyard skating rink. We bought Orhan a pair of skates 3 years ago, and he tried them out back then, but after he crashed hard on his butt in public he hasn't made an effort to get back on them since then. Now that we have our private little rink, he actually made another go at it! He did not bad too, for somebody who's basically never skated before (you really can't count that time 3 years ago, he lasted all of 2 minutes on the ice I think).

So I made a little vid of our backyard rink, and since Mehmed enjoys trying out his little tricks & stuff, I thought I'd do a comparison between him and the Turkish Olympic figure skater, Tugba Karademir (pronounced tooba). She's the daughter of Orhan's friend Tayfun, so naturally we thought of her when we watched Mehmed doing his thing...

ftp://

Needless to say, I'm not holding out much hope for any future Olympic potential coming out of our house. On the other hand, I'm praying hard for Tugba to do well in Vancouver!

On a Mehmed note, he seems to be doing great at home, except for a few long-lasting morning tantrums that make us late for school. Really weird things too, like freaking out because the leg of his pants get stuck up inside the leg of the snowpants, or like when he refused to use a cup to gargle after brushing his teeth and absolutely wanted my hand. These are not the kind of things you'd expect to cause a major 20 minute meltdown are they?

But he seems to STILL have problems keeping his hands to himself at school. When I picked him up on Friday, I watched as he pretended two big snowballs were guns, and while he pretended to shoot at this little two year old standing in front of him, I thought, 'Oh Brother', but didn't call him out on it (not expecting invisible bullets to actually cause the other child any harm) - until he just randomly kicked the poor little kid right in front of my eyes. And it was all just part of whatever game he was playing in his imagination. Arg. I usually try to tell myself that there must be some grand divine reason behind these trials, and that maybe one day he'll grow up to be a really peaceful man and a good Muslim. It's kind of hard to remember when you see your really big 6 year old randomly kick a 2 year old and make him cry :(.

Anyways, we're waiting on our next appointment with the pediatrician to review an ADHD form to be completed by his teacher. For kids with true ADHD, apparently the meds are very effective, but when trying them on kids with Autism Spectrum Disorders, it can be really hit and miss. About 75% of Mehmed's "aggressive" behaviour can usually be attributed to impulsiveness, so I'm praying that it helps him, especially at school! And, any improvements on his behaviour (i.e. tantrums) at home would just be icing on the cake.

Well, that's all for now... Happy Snow days!

I forgot I had a blog...

LOL I actually forgot I had a blog. Well, not entirely, but almost.

We've spent the last 3 weeks battling swine flu, viruses & other infections - not always my own, but definately this is starting to feel like a sick house. Mehmed just finished a round of antibiotics on Sunday and he seems to be doing better. Mom had pneumonia, she suffered the worst in the house, partly because she waited too long to get help I think. But her antibiotics seem to be working now and she seems better. Unfortunately I got antibiotics too and they have been helping my chest feel more clear but I have a wicked sore throat and sinuses that seem to follow their own will. But the tickling cough is the thing that's driving me the most NUTS. The antibiotics are not helping those so I guess I'm stuck with it until my body figures out what to do.

I don't remember if I ever blogged about it but in September we bought an SUV - a Mercedes ML320. It was nice, not brand new or anything, (2002) but it was kind of cool to have a Mercedes, and to be able to get into a car without ducking your head down. Anyways, 6 weeks after we got it, on the 23rd of October, Orhan was out doing an estimate for a customer and just after he got out of the driveway and started down the road, a drunk driver came flying down the hill and skidded into Orhan's lane. Thankfully, Orhan and his helper were not injured at all but the car was a write-off. Oh well. I guess we were not meant to have big-name vehicles after all. Lucky for us the Honda hadn't sold yet, so we're back in it and have decided to be grateful for what we've got. Al Hamdu Lillah (Praise be to God).

Anyways, so a cop came over to the house a week or so ago to take the official report on the accident - apparently the officer at the scene failed to do that. So, given all the complaints I've been getting from the school about Mehmed's aggression, I decided to see if he'd tell Mehmed that Mommy and Daddy are not lying when we say that that kind of activity can land you in jail.... man, he didn't scare Mehmed much but he scared me!!! Apparently Orhan and I can get sued if some parent thinks that we haven't done enough to prevent their child from getting injured! Which sucks because there's NOTHING I can do when he's at school. I'm not the one standing there supervising him and able to yell out to stop when I can see something's about to happen. And at the school they are too understaffed for recess to have somebody who can catch him before he's done something. It's so frustrating! The cop did say that he's never seen a kid go to a juvenile detention center before the age of 12.

Gee, how reassuring.

It's lit a flame under my butt though & I'll be meeting with his pediatrician in December to discuss his aggression as well as his hyperactivity (which are kind of connected - he's so impulsive). Thinking I'll cave and try the ADHD meds.... although the last time we discussed it, she advised that kids on the Autistic spectrum only respond well to the ADHD meds 50% of the time, compared to 90% success rate for kids who have just an ADD or ADHD diagnosis. I hope they work for him.

I'm also gonna meet with a Consultant at Kerry's Place - it's a center specializing in helping people with Autism. They will be able to refer us to whatever treatments we might need. I'm thinking he should be getting IBI (intensive behavioural intervention). That probably sounds scarier than it is. From my understanding it's kind of like physiotherapy but the repetitiveness is not physical, it's something that's meant to help him retrain his brain on how to respond appropriately to various stimuli - meant to improve the way he communicates and responds to stresses and stuff.

n e ways.... that's all for now. I guess I am so long-winded I'm better off only updating once every 6 weeks!

Bayram Mubarak Olsun
Eid Mubarak to all the Muslims! (that's coming on Friday).

Happier Play thanks to advice :)

Just updating to say that on Wednesday at Dinosaur school I got awesome advice about how to avoid the gun play. I guess part of the problem was that I partially misunderstood the assignment. We were supposed to allow the kids to completely dominate/rule the method of play - but we didn't have to make them choose the activity - we can first suggest the activity and then role with however they want to play it. So now instead of asking him what he wants to play, I just suggest something and then let him completely rule the play.
So far we've played ladybugs, crafts, his pirhana game, and just lots of fun times. He's so sweet when he's given the command of playing....
And when I picked him up at school on Friday, he was so excited, carrying a Turkey made out of an apple stuck with a popsicle stick and some feathers. Said he wanted to give it to Aunt Sandra (I guess because he remembered that she has REAL turkeys at the farm). It was so cute, I can't wait to go there for Turkey dinner tomorrow!
Anyways, all is well! Guess I have a lot to be thankful for :)
Happy Thanksgiving!

Is it ok to play guns with your kid?

Mehmed started Dinosaur School last night.

After a summer filled with small acts of violence - first in Turkey, hitting, kicking or spitting on what seemed like every kid he encountered, then at Day Camp, then punching two girls on the second day of school.... my days have been remarkably more peaceful since I haven't had any "complaints" since that phone call from the principal on the 2nd day of school. What a relief!

I am of course concerned that part of it is that some of his actions are either not getting caught since most things probably happen at recess with 150 other children in the playground and only one supervising teacher.... But I got to watch him for about 5 minutes from behind a 2-way mirror and he seemed peaceful and content in the Dinosaur School. Mind you he is well supervised and the environment is very calm, but he was happy.

Except for the high-strung emotional outbursts over silly things like still getting frustrated when he can't do up his jacket-zipper, or if I don't hear or understand something he said and he has to repeat himself, I'm starting to feel like I'm just dealing with typical 6 year old parenting stuff. He doesn't listen to me when I tell him it's time to get his pajamas on. Frustrating as hell but pretty typical 6 yr old stuff.

So while Mehmed is in Dinosaur school, the parents are simultaneously given a parenting course -this one is called "The Incredible Years". The number one thing we are advised to do is actually spend more time "playing" with our kids. We are told to play with them for a minimum of 15-20 minutes but on THEIR terms. We cannot take control over how the play is to be made. If the kid wants to park his car in a lake, we can't say "You can't park your car in a lake" - because at their age, it is not going to affect how they grow up or where they actually park their cars by the time they are able to drive. We're also supposed to stay away from competitive games since that is just setting yourself up for failure if the kid loses, and for any activity we cannot impose rules.... let THEIR rules be the rules of the game for that play time. It sounds simple enough but omg it actually is hard.

I used to think I was good at spending time with him but after being told to play with him this way, I realize that most of the time I spend with him is "parenting";
"Get up, get dressed, what do you want for breakfast, it's time to go to school now, don't forget to use your words with your friends if you have a problem, ask a teacher if you need help, hi did you have a good day at school, were you kind to your friends, yes you can play at the playground but only for 5 minutes, I have to make dinner now, wash your hands, come to dinner, eat all your vegetables I only put 3 on your plate, ok you can have dessert, wash your face & hands, go play alone in your room while I clean up from dinner, time for bath, time for pajamas, time for story, are you actually listening to me, go to bed now good night."

omg. NO WONDER he balks at doing stuff sometimes.

So last night, the first night of homework after the Parenting class and Dino school, I actually did play with him on his terms... and what did he want to play? Legos. Great, no problem. Except that he wanted to build the legos into Lego men with guns on their arms and and tank and they had to shoot each other. WHAAAT!!!???

ok, the counsellor didn't say anything about what we're supposed to do when the kids imaginary play is violent. Usually I frown upon gun play and don't allow it, but the counsellor was so specific that we have to give over COMPLETE control to the kid and NOT JUDGE AT ALL in fact we're supposed to complement them on their creativity. WHAAAAT am I supposed to complement when his lego man just killed mine????

So, not knowing the answer to that I actually went with the class instructions - I complemented him on his ability to build the lego men well and I complemented him when his lego man put my lego man in the hospital and healed him, but I pretty much "ignored" the rest, obediently shooting at the bad guy shouting out bullet noises.... wondering all the while am I a bad parent for actually allowing this? Arg. Years ago this wouldn't have been an issue. Every kid played cops & robbers. Hundreds of years ago it was sword fighting. And parents didn't even think twice about it. But in the wake of Columbine, what are we supposed to do? And in light of his apparent obsession, what's a mom to do?

Oh, God please don't let me child grow up violent! Please let him be empathetic and love peace and think of negotiating as the first course of action in all conflicts! Ameen.
Oh and PS please let him be a good Muslim.